I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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