i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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