rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
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I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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