I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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