i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
