Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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