No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
