You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
