God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
