Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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