My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
