we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize