I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
