and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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