someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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