i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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