I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
