You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
