If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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