I hate all girls vehemently.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
