none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
