is your mom at the bar?
You're so nebulous sometimes
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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