TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
