my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
