tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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