well most of my day revolves around power hour
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
