My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
