Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
no, he came in my armpit
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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