btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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