I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
