Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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