Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
