dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
