dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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