So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.