Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
how do flat chested girls get laid?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
