i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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