do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I see more hoeing in ur future
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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