PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
