seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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