He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
