she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is wine microwaveable?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
