he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
