Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
