this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
