Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
