Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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