remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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