On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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