were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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