respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
