no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
