Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
