You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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