I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
