Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Moan for me like Helen Keller
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
