Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
