I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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