I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
